Friday Flash, Flash, Flash
by Tony Noland
"I can't help but feel like God must have made them just to be pretty, you know?" Mary Jean's breath smelled of Pepsi and peppermint schnapps. It didn't mix too well with the aroma of Jack and Coke that came from Tommy (or Thomas, as he had already begun to think of himself), but that didn't matter.
"Well," he said, "it isn't really just for show." He propped himself up on one elbow, feeling the lumps in the turf under the scratchy wool blanket. The heat of the day was gone and the nighttime dew would have been cold, if not for the drinks. He pointed up into the flashing, blinking darkness over the wheat stubble. "You know what it's for?"
"What?"
"Sex." Mary Jean's eyes opened wide in an exaggerated expression of shock. For anyone who'd given as many blowjobs as she had, it was more than disingenuous, but Tommy (Thomas) wasn't about to call her on it.
"Oh, you're funnin' me! How could that be? Now, Tommy Jenkins, you stop that, you're just trying to get me to blush!"
Fat chance, he thought.
"Seriously. Fireflies flash their tails to attract mates." he said. "The females flash in one pattern to say, here I am, here I am. The males flash to say, check me out, check me out. Once they've settled the preliminaries, the female changes her flash to one that says, OK, come get me. The male's flash switches to, OK, baby, here I come."
"Now where did you learn that?"
In the senior biology class you slept through. "I dunno, just reading."
She giggled. "Tommy, you're always reading. It ain't natural for a young man to be so caught up in books all the time." Her tone turned serious. "When do you go off to the University?"
For Christ's sake, don't cry again. "A week from Sunday. I get settled in and learn the ropes for a couple of days, then classes start the next Wednesday."
Mary Jean sipped her drink. "Are you gonna forget me?"
"Forget you?" he said. "Now how could I do that? You're my girl, Mary Jean. You always have been." Leave you behind, maybe, but never forget you.
Her eyes misted over, then turned wicked. She sat up on the blanket and smoothly pulled her T-shirt off. Her pink lace bra was a bit undersized, the freckled tops of her breasts spilling out. She pulled down her right cup, exposing the nipple, then covered up again. She did the same with the left, then alternated in triangular flashes of pale skin.
"Hey, Tommy, here I am, here I am, come get me, come get me!"
Tommy (Thomas) arranged his face into a grin. He thought about that other kind of firefly, the kind that flashed signals to lure males in, not to have sex, but to entrap and devour them.
Just one more week, and I am SO out of this town.
"OK, baby, here I come, here I come!"
===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.
28 comments:
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Ha, this was clever, inspired and strangely cute. Nice dialogue. You totally dropped a country setting in minimal amount of words.
ReplyDeleteGood one. Loved how you showed early there was trouble brewing in the relationship with the scent of their alcohol-fueled breaths not mixing well.
ReplyDeleteLeaving the dust of the small town behind. I'm not sure if the big city college girls flash the same way though. ;) Great dialogue!
ReplyDeleteAwesome job on the voice in this one.
ReplyDeleteLoved the Inner monologue in this one. What a pair. Peace...
ReplyDeleteI think you captured it. Watched "Last Picture Show" the other night. This girl reminds me of Jacie.
ReplyDeleteOne more week and he's out of this town. I wonder how long it'll be before the town is out of him. Some people try real hard, like intellectual fireflies...
ReplyDeleteThe fireflies is a great image. The voices were very strong and authentic in this, great job.
ReplyDeletemy word verification is patinglo (!)
marc nash
Thanks for reading, everyone! I think Thomas could work all his life, John, and wipe away almost all traces of Tommy. Almost all.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit surprised that the dialogue is what seems to be catching people's ear. I didn't think too much about that part, actually. Interesting.
Hi Tony,
ReplyDeleteYes it was weird we both chose the 'Flash' theme this week and someone's leaving town! Its brilliant to see how the different styles address a similar theme. I love your fine detailed description. The first paragraph had me hooked, the characters were very much alive and the firefly motif was strong and fun. Really enjoyed.
Beautiful and sad at the same time.
ReplyDeleteWonderful synchronicity between the imagery and the dialogue. The dialogue feels so natural and fluent. It's amazing how deep a pair of characters can be perceived in a brevity of words.
ReplyDeleteAdam B
Sheesh, men, eh?
ReplyDeleteNice flash sir. Poor, stupid girl :) I liked how his disdain was conveyed by the thoughts he didn't speak.
HA! Well done. I liked the dialogue in the story - kept it moving.
ReplyDeleteJim
Thanks, guys! Coming back to the dialogue, I was a little concerned when writing this, as I don't typically use dialect cues in my dialogue. I prefer to let the vocabulary convey the voice.
ReplyDeleteI went outside of that here, with a little experiment in three voices: her's, his spoken and his internal. As you can see, the level of honest cornpone decreases, while the snarky nastiness increases.
I tried a similar range of voices in "This Little Light of Mine". The reaction to the dialogue there and here has given me something to think about.
poor stupid girl indeed!
ReplyDeleteThe inner monologue works really well. Thomas is SO over that town already. The college girls had better watch out...
I liked this a lot. It's weird that I think this is a good cautionary tale for girls. Dumb teenagers (heh).
ReplyDeleteWell done, Master.
One of your best Tony, and I too think the dilogue is quite strong, but especially the inner monologue. Without that I don't think this would have held the punch it does. Great work.
ReplyDeleteTony, you shouldn't be surprised about the dialogue. It's rings, man ... Great flash.
ReplyDeleteThe dialogue is good, the scene is well painted. I remember girls like Mary Jean, though it's been many years. . .
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you all liked it! Right from the start, Deanna, I knew the contrast between his inner monologue and his spoken words would carry most of the dramatic content.
ReplyDeleteHe's a little bastard, isn't he?
Nice job, Tony. Thanks for the laugh. I love the thoughts blended with the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteI love the dialog, too, but I also think there's potentially a sting in the tail. Thomas' half-recollection of signals that are a prelude to being devoured could yet come back and bite him - I have a strong suspicion Mary Jean's going to be telling him quite shortly that she's pregnant...
ReplyDeleteThis is basically awesome in every possible way. Very excellent. I'm deeply jealous of the way your mind makes these connections. You must treat your muse very well. ;-)
ReplyDeleteGreat story! The characters feel very real, especially Thomas thoughts in contrast to his words and actions.
ReplyDeleteI liked how wide it seemed and how the story tapered to a small point. Big lights to tiny fireflies; big dreams to the moment.
ReplyDeleteGreat story! You captured the way the world really works. So many people say only what we want to hear, not what they're really thinking.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully constructed in every way. It's interesting how different readers take different things away ("sheesh, men", "cautionary tale for girls"). It seems to me they'd better both be careful - those little flashes aren't so harmless.
ReplyDelete