"Copperhead"
by Tony Noland
Every time he spit, the taste was moldy paper, plaster dust and bits of old glue. Blood snaked down his arm from the gash, but grime and grit thickened and slowed it, made it divert across his forearm in its course toward his wrist like a million-year-old river staggering down the slope of a see-sawing continent.
Anyway, not enough of it got to his hands to make his grip get slippery, at least, no worse than what the sweat was doing. The duct tape around the handle of the hammer was about as old as he was. The long, heavy crowbar was bare metal, rough enough that it cut him as he swung it, even through the calluses.
He spat again, paused to wipe a chunk of something from his eye, the good one.
The bar made its low, musical cough as he tore out another section of the wall. Not sheetrock. Cheap-ass thin stuff was behind sheetrock, or, god forbid, plastic. No, this was good old plaster and lath, a hundred, maybe a hundred and fifty years old. Smooth, with a dozen or more different layers of wallpaper, silken shreds of emerald, sapphire, gold, rose, ivory, all in patterns of flowers, vines, pineapples for Christ's sake, intricate diamonds, more flowers. The layers made the wall come down in easy chunks.
And there among the mouse turds and sawdust ran the copper. Thick old pipes and heavy wiring, many times more robust that they needed to be, than the efficient newer places had.
Fiber optic cable was worthless, but this? With a find like this, he could eat for a week.
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This was a big problem where I live. Lots of property damage from people stealing copper. Terrific idea for a story and I loved the strong descriptive voice.
ReplyDeleteVery spiffy.
ReplyDeleteThere was construction in my neighborhood, and we were actually surprised no one was scavenging the metal.
Scavengers? I could envision this scene pretty clearly in my mind. Excellent writing.
ReplyDeleteI guess it was worth it, hey? But the way you describe the layers of wallpaper, the history in the place, it's such a tragedy. Nicely put together, Tony.
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations on NaNoWrimo! I see you made it to the finish line on time.
Oh what an interesting idea! Love the descriptions about the wall - I could really see the wallpaper designs.
ReplyDeletePeople still sometime steal copper from roofs in the UK. Copper, or lead.
Deft descriptions with not a wasted word.
ReplyDeleteAdam B @revhappiness
scavenger or not, I am glad this fellow is going to be able to eat for a week!
ReplyDeleteThe wallpaper bit was cool, Tony
Nice build up to what on earth he was doing. Copper, makes sense. Good read, as usual.
ReplyDeleteI know it may not have been your intention here, but this had a very post apocalyptic feel to it. Maybe just the desperation, the old tape on the hammer...great description. Nice.
ReplyDeleteTony, the writing just sparkles here. Very clean (despite the grit and grime) and vivid. I could feel all the detritus he's digging through. Excellent piece.
ReplyDeleteI agree with shannon...there is a post-apocalyptic feel here. But scavengers don't wait for an apocalypse, do they...
ReplyDeleteVery visceral and textural, love the manly duct tape on his hammer and the copper like striking gold. Agree with comments above, what ever is going on in the world outside it can't be good.
ReplyDeleteGreat description in this. The story felt very real. Well done!
ReplyDeleteA very tactile peice. Your scene descriptions are captivating. I always feel transported by them. I feel the intangibles too, the pain, the hunger and the desperation. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteThe taste of his spit, the blood down his arm, all drew me in immediately with a sense of atmosphere and tension and possibly danger. Great descriptive work here Tony. Impressive.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all of your comments, everyone!
ReplyDeleteI am completely buried in work today, so I appreciate you all stopping by. Obviously, this piece is really all about the sensory feel of the environment. Having fun with colors, textures and sensations.
I agree, excellent descriptions, but not post-apocalyptic. A lot of people do this.
ReplyDeleteTaut writing and fabulous detail. I had no idea folks scavenged for copper pipe. Fascinating. ANd a hearty congrats on the NaNo win! Peace...
ReplyDeleteI wondered where the story was leading, I could never have guessed the ending, good reveal Tony.
ReplyDeleteHaving worked with tearing down real plaster versus sheetrock, I'll take sheetrock any day LOL. But I digress...
ReplyDeleteThe desperation really came through in this piece and I didn't quite know where you were going with it until the end. Good job :)
Oh, and if I didn't say it before, congrats on NaNo :)
I think Adam and Monica really hit the nail on the head - visceral and tactile. Well done, Tony.
ReplyDelete~jon
Nice job engaging the senses, Tony. I hope you've recovered from Nano.
ReplyDeleteRuchira- You kept me guessing till the end- and evoked all the senses.
ReplyDeletehttp://authortrek.com/short-stories/2010/12/01/the-visitor/
Having had a large chunk of my dining room ceiling removed (due to a leaky roof)this week, this one hit home for me ;-) I vote post-apocalyptic, tho - primarily due to the desperation. Nice piece
ReplyDeleteI was imagining him actually eating the scavenged parts. I guess if you've got the taste for it...
ReplyDeleteVery nice. I hadn't figured out where it was going until it got there. That's always fun.
ReplyDeleteDescriptives were vivid, I could almost smell & taste it.
Thanks, for a tasty one.
At first I thought he must be engaged in a brutal fight. And in a way I suppose it turned out he was. (I've battled lath walls in my own house)
ReplyDeleteWonderfully well done!