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Alcoholism and writing

Was going to copy a bunch of website text, replacing "drinking" with "writing" for a funny blog post. Then I thought about fair use.

So I made up my own text.

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Answer each of the following as: "Very Often", "Very Frequently", "Very Occasionally", or "Never":

"Is writing interfering with your job?"

"Do your friends and family know how much you write?"

"Do you hide your writing from your spouse?"

"Do you write in the morning?"

"Have you ever chosen writing by yourself over a family obligation where you knew there would be no writing?"

"Are there people in your life who encourage you to write more than you should?"

"Did you start writing at an early age?"

"Were your parents or other family members heavy writers?"

"Do you write to 'cope' with life?"

"On average, how many pages do you write a week?"

"Have you ever 'lost time' writing?"

"Have you ever spent so much time writing that your performance was impaired the next day (i.e. 'binge' writing)?"

"Has anyone ever taken advantage of you sexually while you were writing?"

"Have you ever sustained an injury because of your writing?"

"Has your writing caused you to lose contact with friends?"

"Has anyone (spouse, family member, clergy, etc.) ever confronted you about your writing?"

"Have you ever written at inappropriate times?"

"At the local coffee shop, library, etc., is there a table that you consider 'yours' because you spend so much time there?"

"Have you ever bought major items (furniture, equipment, etc.) that would allow you to write even more?"

"Have you ever written anything that tasted bad or that you knew wasn't good for you, simply because there wasn't anything else to write?"

"Imagine a perfect day. Does it include writing? Now imagine what that day would be like without writing. How do you feel?"

"Have you ever made plans to do something, but ended up writing instead?"

"Do you plan your weekends and vacations around writing? Or do you make sure that you can write while on vacation?"

"Do you feel that your writing makes you more interesting?"

"Do you restrict your dating only to people who also write?"

"Does life seem more 'livable' when you are writing, or when you are with others who are writing?"

"Is there a special place in your house that you go in order to write undisturbed? Do you 'sneak' write?"

"Has your health suffered because of your writing?"

"Does your writing prompt you to eat unhealthy foods to excess?"

"Have you ever felt stress because you weren't able to write?"

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Scoring: Give yourself 5 points for every 'Very Often', 3 points for every 'Very Frequently' and 1 point for every 'Very Occasionally'.

0-6 points. You are not a writer, and didn't think this was funny.

7-20 points. You are a social writer.

20-40 points. You are a serious writer.

>40 points, or if you cringed reflexively at the repeated use of the word 'Very' in 'Very Often', 'Very Frequently' and 'Very Occasionally', you are a compulsive writer and should seek help immediately."

===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.

15 comments:

  1. My name is Laurita, and I have an addiction.

    "Have you ever chosen writing by yourself over a family obligation where you knew there would be no writing?"

    The wording of this one is hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for this, Tony. I need to put it on my wall.

    I know the first step is to admit I have a problem. But I'll never admit. Never, I tell you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. My name is Danielle, and I'm a write-aholic.

    "Has anyone ever taken advantage of you sexually while you were writing?" <--- actually snorted Diet Coke up my nose on that one

    ReplyDelete
  4. My name is Lara and I am addicted to writing. What a fun post Tony! *giggles from my desk at work*

    ReplyDelete
  5. I broke the quiz. I tried to actually answer it, but the Never-Always thing doesn't actually answer things like, "Are there people in your life who encourage you to write more than you should?"

    No, I'm not an addict. I know because an alcoholic can't play Mass Effect 2 all day when he should be drinking.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's brilliant!

    'My name is Jackie and I haven't written for four hours now.' - breaks out in cold sweat and runs back to desk, ignoring a slight tug in the direction of Twitter and Facebook on the way...

    ReplyDelete
  7. @ Laurita: Thanks!

    @ Stacey: Admitting the problem is the first step. 8-)

    @ Danielle: Who knew a blog post could be a choking hazard?

    @ laradunning: Glad you liked it!

    @ John: Ha! Mass Effect 2 wins!

    @ Jaxbee: Feed the need!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Is there a WA? I want to have the opportunity to introduce myself as Laurita did.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "Has anyone ever taken advantage of you sexually while you were writing?"

    I wish. :o

    This was a riot. Of course you could replace writing with gaming to much the same effect. I'd probably do worse on that quiz.
    ~jon

    ReplyDelete
  10. I changed writing to crocheting and scored pretty highly. Damn.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hilarious!

    Though I still insist my writing is not a problem. I have it totally under control (except when I don't.)

    ReplyDelete
  12. It seems, that I must be an addict. I can answer very frequently to all of these. No details though, that's for a different kind of meeting.

    ReplyDelete
  13. My name is Helen and I have a.........yes I do!

    This came actually true for me ""Have you ever sustained an injury because of your writing?" My poor shouder and arm. (actally is was cause more by bad posture and staying too long at the 'puter - but that's the same thing isn't it!)

    ReplyDelete
  14. My name is Helen and I also have a writing addiction.

    Loved this "Have you ever sustained an injury because of your writing?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. My name is Katy and I get DT's when I go too long without writing. I LOVE this post! :D

    ReplyDelete

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