When the Room Stops Spinning
by Tony Noland
There are no flies on the window. There is no blood in my coffee cup. The people on the internet are not talking to me, whispering at me, telling me to do things I don't want to do. These are not real.
The computer itself is not angry with me, not muttering in disgust and revulsion at how ugly and fat I have let myself become. Its humming drone is not a voice, but just the cooling fan at the back. It is a machine, nothing more. The computer is real, but it does not think. It does not have feelings. It does not care about me.
No. Wait. That's not right.
The computer is not capable of caring or not caring. It is a machine, nothing more. It connects to the internet because I want it to. I do not serve the computer... the computer serves me. The computer serves me.
The people on the internet do not hate me, do not want me to hurt anyone. Not myself or anyone else. They do not hate me.
Or rather, some might hate me, but most do not. Only a very small percentage of all the people on the internet have ever interacted with me. Only a small percentage of those have any opinion about me at all. And almost all of those who ever thought about me do not care about me anymore. People have opinions, but I must remember, I must remember, I must remember that they do not think about me all the time. I am only a small part of their world. Their whispering is not real. Their hatred is not real.
Not real.
To them, I am a person on the internet. To them, I am not real. They cannot hear me whispering back at them, fighting against them. I destroyed the microphones they hid in the speakers, gouged them out with my nail clippers and snipped the speaker wires into little bits. There are no sounds on the internet. Not anymore. They cannot hear me. I'm certain of it.
I see the flies and I taste the blood and I hear the whispering but I know they are not real.
Not real.
===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.
Chilling ... eloquently stated paranoia. Well done, Tony
ReplyDeletep.s. You do know I'm real, right? :)
Just awesome, Tony. I've actually heard of stories like this. A mental health facility where I volunteered had to remove the soda machine because so many patients thought it was "speaking to them". The voice you wrote this in was perfect for the character.
ReplyDeleteThat was incredible, Tony. You captured the emotion/obsession in this brilliantly.
ReplyDeleteGood stuff, Tony. You painted the inside of a madman's head…
ReplyDeleteMay I borrow your nail clipper? PLEASE?!
ReplyDeleteCrazy. Wondering where the blood in the coffee cup comes in. Good work.
ReplyDeleteCertainly intense, Tony. The one-line paragraphs add to the emotional staccato madness you have going. Really showing people how good they have to be to get into that darned anthology, huh? You've got me nervous now.
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ReplyDeleteThere was a claustrophobia to these short stabbing, repeated sentences which left me feeling genuinely uncomfortable. And by the end; I was infected by the self same paranoia.
ReplyDeleteI do not serve the computer ... the computer serves me ... yeah, right.
Very cool. I love how the reverse psychology or ant-paranoia self-talk displays the incidiousness of the paranoia itself and yet, there's a little bit of truth in this for everyone. We all here the voices to some extent. Don't we?
ReplyDelete*whispers* I do not hate you. Bring me a coffee and a cheeseburger.
ReplyDeleteThis was very chilling. Excellent voice.
The vending machine at my office speaks to me all the time but usually all it says is, "Psst - wanna buy a chocolate bar?"
ReplyDeleteFor gawd's sake, wash the blood out of that coffee cup. It'll make your joe taste funny.
Very nice piece of paranoia writing Tony, there are probably people out there who actually think this way too.
ReplyDeletePS. I was going to post a longer comment, but the whisperings from my computer told me not to... :)
Hey - you've been peeking in my windows and listening at my walls. I'm putting the tinfoil back on my head now.
ReplyDeleteFantastic piece!
Well done Tony. As I write this comment, I too am fighting with my computer, and the whole "it serves me" part really hit home.
ReplyDeleteI might want to take nail clippers to it too, but for other reasons.
Well done.
I loved the sudden realisation that the computer neither cares nor doesn't care - it's utterly impartial. Yet we're all still compelled by the same anthropomorphism to make it something to which we're a slave.
ReplyDeleteEpic stuff.
Great peek into the head of someone struggling for sanity. Makes me wonder what he'd do to a laptop.
ReplyDeleteSuperb job at getting into the character's head Tony! And I know, I've worked with people who think this way, and it's not easy, (as you can well imagine, or maybe know). You nailed the voice!
ReplyDeleteAlthough, in fairness, getting blood in the morning coffee would make anyone get a little stabby.
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, there is a deep power by having the comupter being part of the voices. All the information our brain absorbs is of course bound by our sensory inputs. In turn, so much of our information now comes through the Internets, and some of those voices do want people to hurt others.
There is tremendous depth here.
Ahh, yes, excellent stuff, the voice captured beautifully. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteYou craft a fantastic tale. Scarier because the narrator understands it's not real.
ReplyDeleteBrought the MC paranoia to life with his obbessive thoughts. I'm thinking this must have more to it with the blood in the coffe line.Now when I hear static I'll have a whole new take on it.
ReplyDeleteI do whatever the little voices tell me to do. Right now they tell me to say, "Well done!"
ReplyDeleteFunny how a piece of technology dictates our lives. Without it, our lives might be poorer for the lack of connection we have with people. With it, our lives focus on the apparatus and we serve it.
ReplyDeleteAdam B @revhappiness
Projecting feelings into inanimate objects that reflect our own depression and self-loathing. I might find this funnier if I hadn't been there. You captured it perfectly... to the point where I'm feeling VERY glad I'm not there anymore.
ReplyDeleteApart from the idea, which is great, i think it your style here which is most effective. The short sentences and repetition really work for me. They make your mc's mental state all the more real. Great flash again this week.
ReplyDeleteThe funny, but not funny thing at all is that there might be people like your character out there. *shudders*
ReplyDeleteGreat story.
As I've been following MCM's latest livewriting jaunt, it is now 4am in the morning (with one final hour to go). This is a BAD time to be reading your latest Friday Flash.
ReplyDeleteI imagine most people who have ever experienced depression or mood swings can relate to the process of distancing yourself from your thoughts but still feeling somewhat trapped by them regardless.
Powerfully written, and even stronger in unreality due to the time at which I'm reading. Don't do it again, or I might have to listen to the voices and teach you a lesson.
Good story! I'm sure when some people isolate themselves from humanity and only use the Internet to view the outside world, these thoughts come to them.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all of your comments, everyone. This piece was written as many of them are: I took some of my own experience of life (dislocation, alienation, wondering what people thought of me, self-doubts, etc.) and followed it to an extreme conclusion.
ReplyDeleteFor most people, this piece is a freakshow and little more. For some, it's deeply disturbing because they know or have met such people as this. For a few, they know that, had things gone a little differently in their lives, they would BE such a person as this. For those readers, this piece rings truer than is comfortable.
I'm glad you guys found it interesting, moving and/or affective. Bless you all for reading and commenting. It means the world to me.
Hanging on to "sanity" - by a fraying thread. And possibly likely to lose in the end.
ReplyDeleteTerrible (in its true meaning) voice in this, Tony. Very well captured.
Excellent stuff.
Where's this coming from? Disturbing. I like. : )
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