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#fridayflash - Beautiful Creature

Beautiful Creature

by Tony Noland

The regular customer came into the quiet dimness, took one look at the man at the end of the bar and said, "What's his problem?"

Without looking up from his newspaper, the bartender said, "Ah, he'll be OK. He's only exercising poor judgement."

"A lot of guys do. Just how poor?"

"It took eight shots for him to quit swearing and start sobbing, and another nine shots for him to quit sobbing and pass out."

The regular whistled. "That's poor judgement, all right. Was it over money or a woman?"

"A woman."

"His wife leave him? Cheat on him?"

"Nope," said the bartender, "he said his wife is a good woman. He's married fourteen years, has two kids, one dog, and a house in the suburbs with good schools and high property taxes."

"Jesus, if there's anything worse than a drunk it's a talkative drunk."

The bartender shrugged. "I don't judge."

"So if it wasn't his wife, it was his mistress? Man, my mistress dumped me, I'd get drunk, too. If I had a mistress, that is."

The bartender looked up from his paper, then shrugged again. "Like I said, I don't judge. But no, it wasn't his mistress. He ran into an old girlfriend. Hadn't seen her since before he got married, but he ran into her downtown. They had a cup of coffee, talked about old times, hugged goodbye. From there, he came into the first bar he saw -"

"Which was here?"

"- which was here, yes. He came in, slapped two hundred dollars down on the bar and said, 'Keep 'em coming as long as that lasts.' After that it was drink drink, talk talk, sob sob, and night night."

The regular whistled again. "So the poor bastard has been carrying a torch for an old girlfriend for fourteen years? Through his entire marriage?"

"Nope. He said he got over her long before he got married."

"What? Well, if he doesn't have a broken heart, then what's his problem?"

"Turns out his old girlfriend has been happily married for nine years. Two kids, thinking about a third. Condo in the city, thinking about a house in the suburbs."

With a frown, the regular looked at the sleeping man. A pool of whiskey from the final shot spread on the bar, making a puddle around the man's cheek.

"So," he said, "his problem with his old flame is...?"

"His problem is that she went on without him." The bartender folded his newspaper and put it away. "Instead of being shattered with loss forever, she got over him and went on about living her life. Seems to me that it takes a pretty damned big ego to think that the ones you leave behind will be so torn up that they'll sit at home weeping for the next forty years. Big egos make for easy targets." He nodded at the sleeping man. "When a big ego gets kicked, it hurts worse than getting kicked in the balls. It's better not to have a big ego in the first place. But, what the hell, like I said, I don't judge. What can I get you?"

"Is there any of The Great Lover's two hundred left, or did he drink his way through it all?"

"Not even close."

"Why don't you give me a shot and a beer, on his tab. I'll drink a toast to his old girlfriend."

The bartender paused, then said, "Sure, why not? He won't miss it." In a moment, a draft and a tall shot of top shelf were on the bar.

"What was the girlfriend's name?" said the regular. "Who am I drinking to?"

"He said her name was Estella."

The regular raised the shot glass. "To Estella, who I'm sure was a beautiful creature."

===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.

32 comments:

  1. I enjoyed this bar room banter, so I'm raising a glass to the girl who raised the bar. Here's hoping that guy wakes up with a bar tab and hangover as big as his ego!

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    1. I did, believe me.

      Er... he did. Will. He will.

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  2. I loved the dialogue, written very convincingly and I loved the story - those with big egos always fall the hardest. Better not to have one at all. Cheers! Here's to Estella. ^_^

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  3. Great job! When Humpty-Dumpty's head hit the bar, the ego cracked with a thud. Here's to Estella.

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    1. It's so hard to have one's ego trashed. "What do you mean you can live without me?!?"

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  4. Nice...great dialog. I love your twist on the old bar story.

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  5. I like the intrigue as the story unfolds.

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  6. An excellent flash fiction. I don't read your work as often as I should but whenever I do, I enjoy it quite a bit. This was no exception. You write good banter. Thank you so much for sharing.

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    1. Thank you, Jim! If you'd like to have my fiction delivered to you every Friday, you can sign up to get it by e.mail, or via your RSS feed. The links are on the left.

      Also, if you'd like to get a whole bunch of my flash in one easy-to-read package, I do have a collection up at Amazon. It's free for KDP members, only $2.99 for everyone else.

      Enjoy!

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  7. Tony,

    A good read as always with so much delivered by voice only, with only minimal hints as to action and nothing but the words to indicate inflection. I'm curious if you've considered screenwriting or, assuming they still exist somewhere*, playwriting?

    I was curious though when I first read it if there was some more beyond what was there. I.E. Is the name "Estella" referencing something? I don't think so, but it annoys me greatly when I miss a reference so I had to ask :-)

    All the best,
    Paul

    *-I actually do know they exist still as a dear friend recently adapted Jane Austen's Persuasion to the stage.

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    1. Thanks, Paul. I've had others suggest scriptwriting as a way to use my ear for dialogue. For right now, I'll just keep my options open for doing the movie adaptation of one of my (forthcoming) novels.

      Estella: yes, as a matter of fact, there is a reference there. There is another Estella, a very famous one, whom someone described as a "beautiful creature". That story turned out quite differently from this one.

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  8. Nothing hurts more than a kick in the ol' ego; eh? Well, maybe he'll be a better person for it! Well written, as always. :)

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  9. Ha, I guess like any other part, it depends where the ego gets kicked. I've often taken a pratfall in front of witnesses, and was asked "Are you hurt?" My answer is usually, "Bruised my ego, mostly." Maybe big egos are really squishy?

    This was a clever turn on a classic scene.

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    1. The bigger the ego, the bigger the target. 8-)

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  10. god I hate gossipy barmen. you tell them your deepest secrets as the alcohol unravels your tongue, expecting them to demonstrate the secrecy of a priest in the confessional or a shrink with his client... This one cost the same as a shrink too!

    Good stuff Tony, Same again please

    Marc Nash

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    1. This is why I don't tell my secrets to barmen. Even drunk as a lord, I play my cards close to my vest.

      Same again, coming right up.

      Delete
  11. There's something vaguely noirish about this piece, and I like it. It's true, it would take a huge ego to assume his girlfriend wouldn't have gotten over him in the same way he got over her...so he kind of had it coming!

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    1. Oh, he *definitely* had it coming. There's a heavy juvenile streak in assuming that the rest of the world is frozen in place while you go on and develop.

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  12. A fantastic bar scene, Tony. Great dialogue, as always. I really enjoyed this.

    I particularly liked the "Like I said, I don't judge..." after mentioning he did not have a mistress!

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  13. I've known a few assholes like that in my day. The biggest egos fall the hardest.

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  14. So he got married fourteen years ago, Estella nine, and he says he was over her before he got married... Yup. Revenge really is a dish best served cold.

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  15. This story is very sad. Good and all that, but very sad.

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  16. This could have been a bartender friend telling me about this experience - it read that well to me. It's got a bit of sadness at the edges too. Enjoyable read!

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  17. As always, Tony, excellent dialogue. You have a good ear - and the ability to translate that to the page (HTML or dead tree variety.)

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