They tell me I saved four or five thousand people, but I don't really remember much of it all. Watching the videos, I can hardly believe it's really me grabbing the lines on that balloon. Even when I rub the scar tissue on my wrist where my left hand used to be, I can almost convince myself that the hero on the screen and the "hero" in the mirror are the same guy.
I know I sound ridiculous talking this way. I hope I don't sound like I'm not aware of how much my actions meant to everyone. For the spectators who were about to be victims of the terrorist plot, there's nothing fake or minimalist about having diverted that parade balloon packed with the nerve gas bomb. That's real. To deny them the opportunity to thank the guy who saved them would be churlish in the extreme, especially since their savior had his hand burnt off by the concentrated nitric acid in the bomb.
It's just that I don't feel like that hero. The nerve gas did something to my mind, screwed up my short-term memory somehow. The doctors said it would have been lethal if the liquid compound had been allowed to gasify, but wasn't "sodium gap labile" in the liquid form.
None of that really means much to me, even though they've explained it a hundred times.
I pose for photos, I mostly say what the politicians tell me to say, I take the medicines my doctors tell me to take, I walk when it's time to walk, I eat when it's time to eat, I sleep when it's time to sleep.
I don't leave the hospital, though. Can't remember the last time I was alone.
If I *am* a hero, if that really is me doing those things, I can only think that I must have been a hell of a guy.
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Poor guy. Where was Batman?
ReplyDeleteOh now that seems so unfair.
ReplyDeleteone reflex, to capture the ballon cord and his life is inextricably changes. I'm with him, I'm not sure he is a hero in the sense he acted consciously in order to become one, but has had heroism conferred on him by the populace. Similar way seems like one becomes a hero instantaneosuly through coming back in a bodybag from a far away war
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Of COURSE he's a helluva guy - and YOU'RE a helluva writer!
ReplyDeleteOh, I feel for this character, Tony. Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI thought I remember reading or hearing that enlightenment means you eat when you are hungry and sleep when you are tired. Sounds like a very enlightened guy. :)
ReplyDeletePoor guy, it sounds like the maiming he got went beyond physical. Great look at the mental processes of the hero of the day…
ReplyDeleteNicely introspective fellow. Could benefit from a little empiricism, is all.
ReplyDeleteThat's a real shame, that he doesn't even get to enjoy his heroism.
ReplyDelete