"What if I have nothing left to give?"
"You will always have something left to give."
"But what if I don't? What if they've taken everything?"
"If you're able to ask the question, 'What more can I lose?', then you still have something left."
"What? My life? I should die?"
"No, that serves no purpose. They don't want you to die. What would they gain from your death? Nothing."
"I don't understand."
"After you have given everything you possess, after compatriots, friends, family, children and spouse have all be sacrificed, after you are naked and exposed and helpless... that's when it all truly starts. The normal trappings of a normal life are merely that: trappings. Peripheral, inessential."
"If everything is gone, then what more can I give? Tell me."
"When you are brought so low that every moment is wailing dread, when every breath is pain and every eyeblink is a half-second escape from unrelenting gray despair, you still have something to give, something they can take away."
"And that is? What would I still possess at that point? Hope?"
"No, hope will be long-fled by then. They would have rooted hope out of your soul and left only a raw wound in its place."
"Then... what? If I'm lying in frozen agony, rotting in the mud and beyond all hope and reason, what more could they take?"
"You've answered your own question. If you are still capable of feeling anguish and despair, then you must still possess a memory of what your life used to be like. Even if it's only the animal consciousness of the sensation of not-pain, a lingering body-memory of 'a time before this', they will want it. They will chase it down the corridors of your mind and demand you give it up of your own volition. Until you are no longer able to feel anything at all, physically or psychically, you still have something in your possession."
"I... I see. And when I reach that point? Is that when Eternity will be open to me?"
"Eternity. Chaos. The Void. The Timeless Beyond. It goes by many names."
"But will it be open to me?"
"They will open it to you, yes. But you will lack the will to go through. The price of your transport to the Great Doorway will have robbed you of the ability to accept your prize. It is the way of things. You, like every other being who has sought Eternity, will hang on the lip of the pit, alive but unmoving."
"No. This is where you are wrong. I will NOT be like all the others. On my father's grave, I swear: Eternity will be mine to command. Spill the blood and burn the leaves, old man. Summon them. I am ready."
===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.
"You will always have something left to give."
"But what if I don't? What if they've taken everything?"
"If you're able to ask the question, 'What more can I lose?', then you still have something left."
"What? My life? I should die?"
"No, that serves no purpose. They don't want you to die. What would they gain from your death? Nothing."
"I don't understand."
"After you have given everything you possess, after compatriots, friends, family, children and spouse have all be sacrificed, after you are naked and exposed and helpless... that's when it all truly starts. The normal trappings of a normal life are merely that: trappings. Peripheral, inessential."
"If everything is gone, then what more can I give? Tell me."
"When you are brought so low that every moment is wailing dread, when every breath is pain and every eyeblink is a half-second escape from unrelenting gray despair, you still have something to give, something they can take away."
"And that is? What would I still possess at that point? Hope?"
"No, hope will be long-fled by then. They would have rooted hope out of your soul and left only a raw wound in its place."
"Then... what? If I'm lying in frozen agony, rotting in the mud and beyond all hope and reason, what more could they take?"
"You've answered your own question. If you are still capable of feeling anguish and despair, then you must still possess a memory of what your life used to be like. Even if it's only the animal consciousness of the sensation of not-pain, a lingering body-memory of 'a time before this', they will want it. They will chase it down the corridors of your mind and demand you give it up of your own volition. Until you are no longer able to feel anything at all, physically or psychically, you still have something in your possession."
"I... I see. And when I reach that point? Is that when Eternity will be open to me?"
"Eternity. Chaos. The Void. The Timeless Beyond. It goes by many names."
"But will it be open to me?"
"They will open it to you, yes. But you will lack the will to go through. The price of your transport to the Great Doorway will have robbed you of the ability to accept your prize. It is the way of things. You, like every other being who has sought Eternity, will hang on the lip of the pit, alive but unmoving."
"No. This is where you are wrong. I will NOT be like all the others. On my father's grave, I swear: Eternity will be mine to command. Spill the blood and burn the leaves, old man. Summon them. I am ready."
===== Feel free to comment on this or any other post.
I liked this, it's a sort of inverse Buddhism!
ReplyDeletemarc nash
Becoming one with the universe is a bit different, isn't it?
DeleteI read the apprehensive voice as masculine, and felt a little for the fellow. It's quite the leap.
ReplyDeleteGood! I intended that voice to be masculine.
DeleteThis was so much darker than I was prepared for. Gave me the shivers, really.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it worked for you!
DeleteSounds like a perfect description of Hell. The way out is open, but nobody takes it.
ReplyDeleteTrapped by your own mistakes... a decent definition of hell.
DeleteUp until the last couple paragraphs, it seemed very 1984 to me. I kept imagining Winston talking to O'Brien in the Ministry. Very well thought out and thought-provoking.
ReplyDeleteI think this guy doesn't really understand what he's letting himself in for.
DeleteHave you ever watched Martyrs? Couldn't help but bring it to mind as I thoroughly enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteNever saw that, so I don't get the reference. I'm glad you liked the story, though!
DeleteWe always think we'll be the only one. When will we ever learn?
ReplyDeleteThe lip of the pit is replete with people who thought the rules didn't apply to them.
DeleteI had to admire his determination in the face of such unrelenting negativity and the gathering sense of doom and his belief that he wouldn't fail, that he would be the one to be different from all his predecessors.
ReplyDeleteAdmire the determination, yes. Admire the judgement and prudence? Not so much. ;-)
DeleteReminds me of the scene in V for Vendetta where Evey thinks she's lost everything, but she's found something true about herself in the process. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThe refiner's fire burns away the dross of your soul, leaving only the purest gold behind. But it hurts... oh, lord, how it hurts...
Delete