These previews have their own soundtrack, but you add your own unwanted counterpoint. The screen is alive with explosions and spaceships, CGI and cartoons, teasers and promos. Coming soon, coming in July, coming in November, coming in 2014. We all know these trailers are misleading and probably contain the best forty-five seconds of their respective movies. We embrace, we reject, we tolerate.
But you?
You cackle and catcall after each one with blurted, half-shouted snark, polluting the sudden silence with the kind of thing that must knock 'em dead on Twitter. No one RTs your commentary. No one Likes it or Faves it. You have forgotten how people in shared space behave. You are alone in your mirth. Does that make you uneasy? Do you feel disconnected from the people sitting in the dark with you? Worse thought: do you not even notice? You punctuate each of your shouted pronouncements with a laugh like an overloaded bench grinder.
Are you drunk? High? Self-absorbed and stupid? All of the above and more besides?
Your boyfriend - or is he your husband? - shushes you after each one. This is also a source of hilarity, but of a forced kind. You can pretend that the rest of us are enjoying your witticisms, pretend that the rest of us are shaking our heads in admiration, pretend that the rest of us are quietly capturing your bon mot in tweets and status updates, pretend that the rest of us wish we were you.
But I can tell you are old enough to know better.
You are no high school or college kid, drunk in a movie theater on a school night, just for the sheer madcap joire de vivre of it. You are, like the rest of us, someone who is willing to trade $11.50 for a couple of hours spent in another time and another place, closely observing another life, perhaps even living that life. A late Thursday night show is for those who want to balance indulging their fantasies with getting up for work, with getting the kids off for school, with the bridal shower, with the lawn mowing, with soccer, with mom's cataracts, with the quarterly reports, with deadlines, with with with with with with with with with
with the brutality of real life.
There are no affirming murmurs supporting you as you crack wise during the previews. Will you take this as a hint? Will you listen to your husband/boyfriend? Will you be quiet once the movie starts?
Or will I have to kill you?
This final frontier, this five year mission, these voyages, this starship... they are all I have.
And I will not let you take it away from me.
||| Comments are welcome |||
Help keep the words flowing.
But you?
You cackle and catcall after each one with blurted, half-shouted snark, polluting the sudden silence with the kind of thing that must knock 'em dead on Twitter. No one RTs your commentary. No one Likes it or Faves it. You have forgotten how people in shared space behave. You are alone in your mirth. Does that make you uneasy? Do you feel disconnected from the people sitting in the dark with you? Worse thought: do you not even notice? You punctuate each of your shouted pronouncements with a laugh like an overloaded bench grinder.
Are you drunk? High? Self-absorbed and stupid? All of the above and more besides?
Your boyfriend - or is he your husband? - shushes you after each one. This is also a source of hilarity, but of a forced kind. You can pretend that the rest of us are enjoying your witticisms, pretend that the rest of us are shaking our heads in admiration, pretend that the rest of us are quietly capturing your bon mot in tweets and status updates, pretend that the rest of us wish we were you.
But I can tell you are old enough to know better.
You are no high school or college kid, drunk in a movie theater on a school night, just for the sheer madcap joire de vivre of it. You are, like the rest of us, someone who is willing to trade $11.50 for a couple of hours spent in another time and another place, closely observing another life, perhaps even living that life. A late Thursday night show is for those who want to balance indulging their fantasies with getting up for work, with getting the kids off for school, with the bridal shower, with the lawn mowing, with soccer, with mom's cataracts, with the quarterly reports, with deadlines, with with with with with with with with with
with the brutality of real life.
There are no affirming murmurs supporting you as you crack wise during the previews. Will you take this as a hint? Will you listen to your husband/boyfriend? Will you be quiet once the movie starts?
Or will I have to kill you?
This final frontier, this five year mission, these voyages, this starship... they are all I have.
And I will not let you take it away from me.
||| Comments are welcome |||
Help keep the words flowing.
Yeah, I hate people who shout things out in cinemas as well!
ReplyDeleteEspecially when no one else is!
DeleteWhen you're paying that much for a theater ticket, and they still want to push ads at you, mockery is the only answer. I'd snipe and snark alongside you, lady, but I'd rather spend my theater money on something else and wait for the DVD. :-P
ReplyDeleteI usually wait for the DVD, but summer action movies are best experienced in the full immersion environment of the theater.
DeleteI try not to talk during the movie, but I cannot help the cackling. Should I fight harder to be quiet and not have the positive reaction of laughing?
ReplyDeleteNo, not at all. Laughing at something that happened on the screen is fine. It's the laughing at your own joke that you made at the EXPENSE of something that happened on the screen... that's the problem.
DeleteMST3K is a game to be played at home, not in the theater where it will bug the other patrons.
Fwew! Because I am bad at not laughing. I'd be terrible at movie premieres.
DeleteI dunno, watching the trailers for forthcoming films these days usually means you've seen all the best bits the film has to offer (especially with so called comedies). So why not cram your full movie going enjoyment into those 2 minutes boiled down versions?
ReplyDeletemarc nash
See my comment to John, above.
DeleteOh I love this. I can't stand it when people make noises when you're watching a film - bags of sweets are the worst I find... grrr! But the people who think they're funny... ugh.
ReplyDeleteGreat flash.
Thanks Rebecca!
DeleteYep. That's about how I feel when that happens. Along with the impulse to murder. Spot on, Tony.
ReplyDeleteTwins!
DeleteIt depends on the audience. There's a great 90 year old cinema near me, and somehow the audience there always reacts more vocally than at the modern chain cinema just up the street. It's like everyone's chanelling the silent film fans who went there when it first opened.
ReplyDeleteOf course, there's that, and then there's boorishness. If someone is shushing you and no-one is joining in...
Beyond all that, how was the film?
Shared experiences can be great, as long as everyone is respectful of the others in the theater. Some shows invite audience participation, others don't.
DeleteFilm was good, but with many WTF moments. I can't talk about it much without being spoilery. Will wait for a couple of weeks.
Have you been following me? :P
ReplyDeleteVery cool. Can't wait to see the new ST, hopefully this weekend. ;) Hope inconsiderate move patrons didn't spoil it to much for you!
Fortunately, she shut up when the movie started. ;-)
DeleteOh dear that sounds like a stressful visit to the cinema. Do they sell the popcorn in bags too or how about those ice laden drinks where you need to seek out the precious fluid with a straw specially designed to the demonstrate the resonating effect of a gas saturated liquid?
ReplyDeleteIt was horrible, but I survived.
DeleteWhen I saw the preview of the new Star Trek in the theater, it took all of my willpower not to scream, "You better not f#%@ up Star Wars, JJ!" But I was good. I didn't ruin the moment for the other people watching. Like you, I hate when people scream stuff out at the screen. Laughing hysterically at the funny bits is fine (I'm a big-time offender of that), but not shouting out things.
ReplyDeleteLaughing with the movie is fine. It's the added narration by a would-be humorist that I can't stand.
DeleteTo me, the best way to see a movie is at the theater. I don't care if it's cheaper at home; I don't care if you can do "other" things while watching the movie--in fact, that's the very reason to go to the theater! To totally immerse yourself in someone else's imagination, and find new pathways in your own imagination.
ReplyDeleteAnd the only thing that spoils that for me, is the person two seats over, one row down that insists on commentating, narrating and editorializing the movie they think they are sharing with me. Yes, I'd consider shooting them too....
Can't wait to see ST, WTF moments or not.
I LOVE the immersion that going to the theater gives. Much better than a DVD at home, no matter how nice your TV is.
DeleteUh oh. Things are about to get ugly in the theater.:)
ReplyDeleteI have SO been there. Not for Into Darkness in particular, but for other movies. It is one of the many reasons why I rarely go to the movie theater anymore, and never on opening weekend. It is also why, desperate as I am to see Into Darkness (and EVERYONE and their mother chiming in their opinions on it on their blogs has not been easy to get through, mind you)I'm waiting till this weekend. My hope is that expereinces such as this one will be less likely as the a-holes wanting to act-out in the theater will all go to the new opening and leave me and the older Trek fans who also can't handle crowds alone. Wish me luck...
ReplyDelete