The #YesAllWomen avalanche has been instructive. I already had no patience for the alpha male / pickup artist / brociopath subculture that makes life difficult for women. It's an infantile, short-sighted, self-centered approach to life. Once I figured out that girls and women were, like, ACTUAL PEOPLE (a realization which I came to around age 18, when the fog of puberty cleared), I tried to treat them as such.
This outpouring of information in the wake of the misogyny-driven killings in California has increased my understanding of the daily humiliations women endure, or have to structure their lives to try to avoid.
I dislike being lumped in the same shit bucket as the swaggering, cocksman bros, those guys who see women's role as a limited mixture of servant and lust-receptacle, as mindless object and walk-on character. Unfortunately, the circumstances are such that it's not possible to paint us men with anything other than a broad brush. The day-to-day reality is that, for too many women, it's safer to assume the worst about the men she meets and wait for evidence to the contrary.
All I can do is be part of the right side of the equation in the present, and to teach my sons to make society a better place for everyone in the future.
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This outpouring of information in the wake of the misogyny-driven killings in California has increased my understanding of the daily humiliations women endure, or have to structure their lives to try to avoid.
I dislike being lumped in the same shit bucket as the swaggering, cocksman bros, those guys who see women's role as a limited mixture of servant and lust-receptacle, as mindless object and walk-on character. Unfortunately, the circumstances are such that it's not possible to paint us men with anything other than a broad brush. The day-to-day reality is that, for too many women, it's safer to assume the worst about the men she meets and wait for evidence to the contrary.
All I can do is be part of the right side of the equation in the present, and to teach my sons to make society a better place for everyone in the future.
||| Comments are welcome |||
Help keep the words flowing.
Tony, men like you are our allies and we appreciate you. Try to excuse those of us who get strident, who judge too quickly, who don't hear you out for the sane man that you are. Sometimes we're so frustrated at the hatred in the world that all we can do is scream. But without men like you, we can't move forward. So: thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Claire.
DeleteThis is a very succinct way of explaining why sexism sucks for everyone.
ReplyDeleteThere are a lot of hard truths that we as a society need to face... and fix.
DeleteThank you, Tony. We know it's not all men, but it does happen to every woman, even in small ways, every day. Sunday we were having a nice family day at the plaza when a 25+yo man (holding his girlfriend's hand no less) couldn't take his eyes off my 14 yo daughter's boobs as we walked by. By the time she told me he was lost in the crowd. This morning I was walking a property (I'm in commercial property management) checking on some plumbing work completed yesterday when I got cat-called by a car driving by...at 8 in the morning. Obviously it escalates to much larger and scarier things, but it's every day that we are treated as objects by some douche of a human and then told to brush it off because "boys will be boys."
ReplyDeleteThank you for not being one of the boys. As you said, not all men are like that, but enough are that's easier for us to keep our guards up than not.
Depressing as it sometimes is not to be attractive, I concede that it is a kind of protection from the worst of the behaviors I've heard of, here and abroad. I tend not to assume the worst of the men I meet, but then, I won't see the worst. I also don't find it acceptable to lump all guys together. I've met too many decent men to think you all deserve that. Thanks for speaking out.
ReplyDeleteA lot of men don't see sexism happening either, so while they're not part of the problem as the perpetrators, they also seem surprised when they hear that it does happen. Best way to help is to speak out if you actually see it happening.
ReplyDelete